Feedback Thoughts: Rejection and Self-Doubt
In my experience as a girl and a student, two of the articles really spoke to me.
The first was about rejection by Guy Winch: Why rejection hurts so much - and what to do about it. OOF. This one hit me where it hurts. I have a tendency to get really upset when I'm rejected, whether in my love life, school, on social media, or even now, with dental schools. It feels like a really personal attack. Why not me? What makes you choose X instead? What makes me different from X? I over-analyze and put myself down, thinking that something is missing or something about me is wrong. But this article completely rewrote that narrative of thinking. Oftentimes it isn't that personal. But how? It just... isn't.
In one week I await my dental school fate. I applied for 12 schools, interviewed for 3, was accepted into one and waitlisted for another (one is TBD). The waitlisted one in Fort Lauderdale I'd interviewed at in-person earlier this January, and I loved it there. It wasn't about the location (although beautiful), but the school itself felt like the right fit for me. I went out of my interview feeling sure of myself, thinking I'd laid everything on the table: I would fit right in with the kinds of students they're looking for. I knew it in my soul. I honestly don't think I've ever wanted anything more than to be accepted into this school.
But, a few days later after tremendous anxiety, I didn't get the answer I was hoping for. I was waitlisted. Well, that's better than a rejection. But I still asked the big question: why? How could they not see my potential and my current worth? And then that confusion turned into uncertainty. Was I really as good as I thought I was? Clearly not if they didn't accept me.
So that leads me into the second article, by John Spencer: Seven Ways to Crush Self-Doubt in Creative Work. First off, it says not to compare yourself to others. Well, that's something I need to work on. And then I saw an illustration a short ways down that said, "When you compare yourself to others, your only options are arrogance or self-doubt." I read it over and over again, letting it sink in. The second thing it suggests is to abandon perfectionism, another thing for me to work on.
The lesson I got from both of these was to treat yourself like your own best friend. Or rather, if you're okay with shedding a few tears, close your eyes and imagine your childhood self.
Is what you're saying to yourself now something you would say to them?
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